Tuesday, December 16, 2003
Tis the season...
...to make yourself crazy. Lalalala-lala-la-la. :)
Yup. Eight days and counting. My shopping's not finished. My tree's not up. My decorations are half out. My front porch and home office are in a state of CHAOS. I have shows to enter for my business. My baking's not done. The presents aren't wrapped. We have family from out of town staying with my parents for a few days, so we have a mini-Christmas thing going on tomorrow. The list goes on and on and on and on and... Well, you get the picture.
Every year, I tell myself that I won't be up until the wee hours wrapping presents and stuffing stockings. Every year I tell myself that I will not be anywhere near the stores on Christmas Eve trying to get those few last minute things. Every year I tell myself that it's going to be different.
Well, it is different. It's not where I want it to be, but it's better. I'm lowering my expectations. I don't expect Currier and Ives. I don't put other people's demands over myself. I don't take guilt trips.
For a long time, Christmas went like this:
Christmas Eve:
Work. If I was lucky, I got off at 2 or 3 pm. But that was a last minute decision that I couldn't count on. Then it was dinner at the in-laws (in East-End Montreal). Then back to the South Shore for the Christmas Eve Service. Wrap presents. Stuff stockings. Sleep. Maybe...
Christmas Day:
Wake up. Watch those hours of wrapping disappear into a garbage bag. Breakfast. Wrap presents for family. Go to parents' house for gift exchange. Go to in-laws for gift exchange. Go back to parents' for gift exchange with extended family, and the big turkey dinner. Then home and crash.
I had two days of non-stop running around. I lived off adrenaline. My blood pressure was off the wall. I was so stressed, I'd snap at every little thing. Tears happened on more than one occasion. And no matter what, I was always made to feel like I was letting someone down. There's nothing like a side order of guilt on Christmas. :/
So, I gave up. I'm not out to please my parents or my in-laws. Christmas is about love and friendship and giving. I finally realized that I was miserable, and that nothing I did was going to be good enough in everyone's eyes. I now enjoy Christmas as much as I can. I can't live up to their expectations. I tried pleasing everyone, and it wasn't good enough. No one was happy, especially me. Now, people are still disappointed with me, but on my terms. And I'm okay with that. :)
Yup. Eight days and counting. My shopping's not finished. My tree's not up. My decorations are half out. My front porch and home office are in a state of CHAOS. I have shows to enter for my business. My baking's not done. The presents aren't wrapped. We have family from out of town staying with my parents for a few days, so we have a mini-Christmas thing going on tomorrow. The list goes on and on and on and on and... Well, you get the picture.
Every year, I tell myself that I won't be up until the wee hours wrapping presents and stuffing stockings. Every year I tell myself that I will not be anywhere near the stores on Christmas Eve trying to get those few last minute things. Every year I tell myself that it's going to be different.
Well, it is different. It's not where I want it to be, but it's better. I'm lowering my expectations. I don't expect Currier and Ives. I don't put other people's demands over myself. I don't take guilt trips.
For a long time, Christmas went like this:
Christmas Eve:
Work. If I was lucky, I got off at 2 or 3 pm. But that was a last minute decision that I couldn't count on. Then it was dinner at the in-laws (in East-End Montreal). Then back to the South Shore for the Christmas Eve Service. Wrap presents. Stuff stockings. Sleep. Maybe...
Christmas Day:
Wake up. Watch those hours of wrapping disappear into a garbage bag. Breakfast. Wrap presents for family. Go to parents' house for gift exchange. Go to in-laws for gift exchange. Go back to parents' for gift exchange with extended family, and the big turkey dinner. Then home and crash.
I had two days of non-stop running around. I lived off adrenaline. My blood pressure was off the wall. I was so stressed, I'd snap at every little thing. Tears happened on more than one occasion. And no matter what, I was always made to feel like I was letting someone down. There's nothing like a side order of guilt on Christmas. :/
So, I gave up. I'm not out to please my parents or my in-laws. Christmas is about love and friendship and giving. I finally realized that I was miserable, and that nothing I did was going to be good enough in everyone's eyes. I now enjoy Christmas as much as I can. I can't live up to their expectations. I tried pleasing everyone, and it wasn't good enough. No one was happy, especially me. Now, people are still disappointed with me, but on my terms. And I'm okay with that. :)
# posted by SilverFlame @ 9:34 p.m. 
